Phillies today spoke out on the national flag lapel pin crisis. «Most

Americans never noticed there was a flag lapel pin crisis, not after

thousands of our men and women died in Iraq and the budget deficit

headed for $500 billion a year. Fortunately, moderators at a recent

Democratic Presidential debate cleared things up, at least for people

worried about jobs, plummeting real estate prices, soaring gasoline

prices, and skyrocketing food and medical costs, not to mention the

sad state of education. Most of us would never have guessed that the

flag lapel pin crisis is more important.

«I respect our flag,» Phillies said. «That means I don’t use it as

costume jewelry. In fact, I almost never wear lapel pins. Why? By

geographic adoption, I’m a Yankee. We Yankees know thrift is a

virtue. Every time you stick a pin through your suit, you damage the

fabric. That’s pointless waste.

«More seriously,» Phillies continued, «I’m campaigning on issues real

Americans actually care about. The War. Civil liberties. Ending fiscal

lunacy in Washington. Education, energy, and the environment. Medical

care costs. The economy. And I’m giving Americans sensible

libertarian answers, answers that my fellow Americans will support.

Those answers will give us a better America.»