I have decided to do a segment for The Alvarez Galloso News Hour about Domestic Violence Against Husbands. While it is recognized that Domestic Violence against Women exists and there are many cases reported, the case of Domestic Violence Against Husbands is underreported. This may be secondary to a denial of the problem and or the reluctance of men who suffer from Domestic Violence to report it out of fear of being accused of «not being masculine».

I have invited Ms. Trudy Schuett; author of the book: «Friends To The End» which deals with Domestic Violence in its parameters. For me, it is a pleasure to invite her to share her experience and her book with the general public.

1. What is Domestic Violence Against Husbands?

It’s really more accurate to use the term, Intimate Partner Abuse. It’s when one partner in a relationship abuses the other. Sometimes violence occurs, sometimes not. No one is really sure of the reasons for it, but what we do know is that it is not a gender issue, as it is often perceived. Both sexes are affected about equally.

2. Why has the issue of Domestic Violence Against Husbands not been addressed?

Today’s political climate is about blaming men for all kinds of things, and IPA is one of them. In the late 1960s and early ’70s, when the issue of spousal abuse first came to be an openly-discussed issue, the first programs were for battered women who in those days, had little or no recourse in an abuse situation. Unfortunately, the feminists took it on as «their» issue, and simply ignored the needs of male victims. Over time, they found it expedient to emphasize what they felt were the political aspects of the issue, because it had become a lucrative prospect for many.

Much of what has become «conventional wisdom» regarding IPA is simply not true, but was created through advocacy research, designed to prove the feminist’s point about «male oppression». So today, we have 30+ years of misinformation to combat. Things are changing, though, because people are realizing it is not the simplistic problem the feminists claimed it was, and very few, including women, are actually being helped with existing programs based on feminist philosophy.

3. What can an abused Husband do in front of a wife who accuses him of having an affair, or being called names that the abused husband is not?

A lot depends on whether this is a one-time instance, or if it’s something that happens all the time. The Domestic Abuse Helpline has an excellent section that outlines what abuse is, and what someone can do about it. They also have a phone number for people to call if they need help.

In the UK, AMEN does much the same.

4. What inspired you to write the book «Friends to the End»?

That was almost accidental. A friend had encouraged me to write, since she’d been disappointed by the quality of the books she was finding in bookstores. So I wrote another book, Sweethearts & Monsters, (which was about something else entirely ;>) first. I’d enjoyed that so much I decided to write one more. At first it was just a theme I hadn’t ever seen much written about, and then later I realized what a hot-button political issue domestic violence had become. But I’d known men over the years who’d been abused; one guy we knew actually had to leave home just to save his life. I could’ve just written something else, but I didn’t. I figure somebody needs to speak out about it.

5. What are the signs and symptoms of a Victim of Domestic Abuse with the Husband being on the receiving end?

That can vary so much, I can’t really deal with it in a couple of paragraphs. Every situation is different. I think the big question is, «How do you feel about the way you’re being treated at home?» If home isn’t a comfortable place to be, and you’ve been hurt, or think that’s going to happen soon, then it’s a good idea to check with DAHMW or AMEN. There’s nothing wrong with asking the question, and all contact with DAHMW is confidential. I’m sure AMEN also provides the same confidentiality.

6. Why is Domestic Violence against Husbands underreported?

Well, there’s that 30 years of misinformation I mentioned earlier, but there’s more to it, as well. Often male victims themselves don’t want to ask for help, for fear of seeming weak or unable to «control» their wives. Sometimes men who go to the police or other authorities for help can find themselves arrested, and so they don’t want to risk that, especially if there are children in the home who need protection from a violent woman. Then there are those who think there just isn’t anything they can do, and so they try to make the best of things on their own.

7. What is «Friends to the End» about?

Taken to its simplest elements, it’s about a good man who marries the wrong woman for the wrong reasons, and finds himself in trouble. He has a friend close by who is willing to help him out, hence the title. Of course it’s more complicated than that, and I hope people will read it and find out.

8. What can people learn from «Friends to the End»?

If nothing else, I hope people will come away from it knowing that even strong, intelligent men can find themselves in a bad situation, and that they deserve whatever help they can get. The law in all of the English-speaking countries now keeps men from defending themselves against violent wives and girlfriends, and the idea that a man can or should «control» his woman makes no sense whatsoever anymore.

9. What are the amount of abused husbands who actually take their own life [compared with the abused wives who take their own lives]?

That’s a difficult question, and I don’t know the answer. This is a quite new subject of research, and I don’t know of any research that has been done in that area. I do know that the rate of men committing suicide is much higher than that of women, but their reasons for doing so are not all related to IPA.

10. What can be done to control Domestic Violence against both sexes?

That’s also a difficult question, but in this case we know what doesn’t work. Making laws about it doesn’t work, because we know the laws already in place, such as the Violence Against Women Act, have created a whole new group of unintended consequences that for many, have just made matters worse. We’ve begun to see a decline in the number of women who are willing to call police for help, as they know it will more than likely result in an arrest, and more problems for a family that already has enough trouble.

Divorcing and moving away from an abuser doesn’t guarantee the victim will not find themselves in another abusive relationship, either.

There needs to be a way for victims of both sexes to get help from the private sector, of a kind that doesn’t cause more problems. Victims need to be able to get counseling to understand what happened, and what they can do to avoid that kind of situation in the future. There are a lot of complex reasons why abuse occurs, and that variety of causes needs to be addressed.

I’m not sure that we can «end» domestic violence, as the old programs claim, as it is a problem of human nature, and sometimes people don’t treat others the way they should. What we can do is change the way we react to it; by giving victims the dignity of being able to choose their own solutions and helping them find their way to an abuse-free life.

Trudy W. Schuett
my Website

I would like to thank you Ms. Schuett for taking the time to answer questions designed to enlighten the general public about Intimate Partner Abuse. The book «Friends To The End» by Trudy Schuett is available at Lulu Publishing Company at http://lulu.com